Wedding Dress Failure

So, months ago I bought a wedding dress online (non-return/refund-able).
It was supposed to fit.

It didn't.

I bought this maybe in August-ish? So I had plenty of time to buckle down and lose some weight to fit it. Maybe 20 pounds or so.

Guess what? I didn't go on a diet.

So I'm getting married in a week and a half and my dress is nowhere near fitting. I took it to be altered today and we're having to have the back as a lace-up in order for it to fit. LAME.

I'm just mad at myself because I could have avoided this extra annoyance and cost.

I have some sort of problem with success/failure. It was basically like I was intentionally sabotaging myself. WTF? I think that deep down, I'll never be where I want to be, so I've already given up before I've tried. I also think that losing weight means losing what I hide behind. I guess I blame many things on my weight/appearance and if I can't do that anymore---what will I do? I don't like where I am, but it's hard to change.

I want to change. Why must I go on this same ride over and over again?

I want to do better. I hope I can do better.

Back to the gym

Well I am officially not sick anymore, so I can go back to the gym. Yay!

I'm sure tomorrow will be a bit tough, with a week off.

I've been feeling good. Hardly any cravings for 'junk food' or 'bad food.' I'm sure that won't last that long. ;)

This weekend is my bachelorette party so I'm sure I'll be eating horridly all weekend long. And in three weeks I'll be going to Hawaii--for a week. I'm sure food will get the best of me during these times. Not to mention Thanksgiving!

You may have read before that I made whole-wheat bread. Well, we had to take the bread maker back because the LCD screen was broken. Bummer. We opted to not replace it and instead add it to our registry to see if we get it as a wedding gift. If we do not, we'll buy another at that time (assuming the interest is still there). So this will probably curtail my bread-making interest, as I'm not sure how much I want to 'hand-knead' dough and such. :) We'll see! I might try it and see how it goes.

I'll definitely will still be making my own whole-wheat pizza crust though. Delish!