Wedding Dress Failure

So, months ago I bought a wedding dress online (non-return/refund-able).
It was supposed to fit.

It didn't.

I bought this maybe in August-ish? So I had plenty of time to buckle down and lose some weight to fit it. Maybe 20 pounds or so.

Guess what? I didn't go on a diet.

So I'm getting married in a week and a half and my dress is nowhere near fitting. I took it to be altered today and we're having to have the back as a lace-up in order for it to fit. LAME.

I'm just mad at myself because I could have avoided this extra annoyance and cost.

I have some sort of problem with success/failure. It was basically like I was intentionally sabotaging myself. WTF? I think that deep down, I'll never be where I want to be, so I've already given up before I've tried. I also think that losing weight means losing what I hide behind. I guess I blame many things on my weight/appearance and if I can't do that anymore---what will I do? I don't like where I am, but it's hard to change.

I want to change. Why must I go on this same ride over and over again?

I want to do better. I hope I can do better.

Sad. Upset. Fail?

So, for shits and giggles I decided to hop on the scale.

AND I GAINED WEIGHT.

Wtf? I mean, seriously? I was more than a little upset. I mean, I've been working out every day, eating good foods (except for that pizza), drink 10-12 glasses of water a day and I weigh more than I did on Wednesday. I do not understand.

It's a bit discouraging.

And I know next Wednesday's weigh-in is not going to be good, since my BFF is in town and today starts the Bachelorette Party Weekend Extravaganza. And Monday we're doing a menu tasting for our reception. BAH!

I also forgot to put on my pedometer.

Lamesauce.