Wedding Dress Failure

So, months ago I bought a wedding dress online (non-return/refund-able).
It was supposed to fit.

It didn't.

I bought this maybe in August-ish? So I had plenty of time to buckle down and lose some weight to fit it. Maybe 20 pounds or so.

Guess what? I didn't go on a diet.

So I'm getting married in a week and a half and my dress is nowhere near fitting. I took it to be altered today and we're having to have the back as a lace-up in order for it to fit. LAME.

I'm just mad at myself because I could have avoided this extra annoyance and cost.

I have some sort of problem with success/failure. It was basically like I was intentionally sabotaging myself. WTF? I think that deep down, I'll never be where I want to be, so I've already given up before I've tried. I also think that losing weight means losing what I hide behind. I guess I blame many things on my weight/appearance and if I can't do that anymore---what will I do? I don't like where I am, but it's hard to change.

I want to change. Why must I go on this same ride over and over again?

I want to do better. I hope I can do better.

Introductions

I've seen many people write blogs to help them with their goals and so I figured I would try one out as well.

Some Stats:

I am a 25 year old female.
I am about 5' 4".
I weigh about 260-ish and want to lose about 80 pounds.

I might add some measurements later, for tracking.

Perhaps I will add pictures later.
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I think most people, when they think about themselves and how they look, always imagine themselves fatter (or bigger) than what they really are. I seem to have the reverse. I imagine myself as smaller than I actually am. Of course, this causes a bit of dissonance when I see images of myself (photos/video, etc). I think, "Holy CRAP! I'm not that big! It must have been a bad angle..." But, unfortunately, I am that big. My fiance took some video of me the other day and it was horrible to look at. All I saw was my fat face. I couldn't help but think of the weight I've gained in the last few years. A few weeks ago I stumbled across a picture of myself from 4-5 years ago and could see the difference in my face. And believe me, I've always been overweight. You always think to yourself, "I can't possibly get any bigger." and then BAM! You are. You are at your biggest. And then a year later, a new "biggest" and so on and so forth until you realized you've gained 80 pounds since high school. WTF.

I'm trying to change. It's really hard. Luckily, my fiance is all excited about losing weight (he wants to as well) and is helping me stay motivated and going to the gym.

If things go as planned, I will post a new blog everyday, at least detailing what I ate, if nothing else.